Keywords: I'm not gonna write this eloquently or anything.
So I'm like jobless at the moment. I was inches, just inches from getting a new job that I was super excited about, but as soon as I was hired, the company found out that there's a hiring freeze that's too complex to get around. So I have time for lots of things as I continue the job search.
So with time, I always default to working on art. Music. Writing. Photography. It's really all just pretty excuses of expressing myself. So here it is. And this is what I'm dealing with:
I get the flashes of doubt a lot about my abilities. Like, oh, so and so (and there are jillions of so and so's, it's non-stop) is way better than me, totally has it together, and has a huge following. What's the point? Why not just give up now?
Well, this is mostly true. Yes, on certain levels, these people are better than me. Lots of people are better than other people. That's just a fact of life.
But this is what I think we gotta remember - you have something that is yours. Just you. It's a sound, a style, a look, and feel that no one can copy exactly (but maybe some people can get really close). That style is dormant inside you, and it takes years and years to master and muster that out. It's as unique as your fingerprints and your DNA.
And it's the years and years of struggle that must happen, and will be a pain in the ass the entire time. Every day, I am thinking of songs, recording, re-writing, and then every other night I sit and think, "Man. This is all crap. None of it sounds good or is worth anyone's time." And so it's a all a psychological battle. I know I can improve, I know I have a style that's my own, but I definitely won't get there if I just drop everything now. I need to keep pushing myself until I'm creating things that at least I am proud of.
The other thing I need to remind myself is that not everyone is going to like my art. It's just a fact. It's like, even when I am at my prime some day, maybe only a small fraction of people will like it. This is not something I can change or fix. Again this is just my DNA bumping heads with other peoples' DNA preferences. But before I even get there (because I'm not even proud of my work now), I'm going to encounter feedback from these people who are already predestined to not like my work. So I need to filter that that out. I need to just find those folks who like what I have so far, see my potential, and can root me on.
I really really hope this can go somewhere, even if it takes my whole life. Everything now is running off of self motivation and caffeine. mall shenyang convenience shopping drinks snacks |