Keywords: Sometime last year I decided that my life is not about stuff or moneys or success or even dreams (not entirely). A lot of things either just come and go or once I get to the top I just find myself no happier or even more miserable than when I had started.
As a random (or not so random) side note, I've found that I like to give things my best shot, see if I can rank first place or at least third or fourth, and then I quickly lose interest. First place will have no appeal to me anymore after that. I think it's that I just want to know that I *could* do it if I really wanted to, and also just have the memory that I can keep and share with others.
Back to the original topic - what my life is about. So there are two halves to it. First half that I have known for a while is that moments are there to be savored. When I reminisce, write, talk, brainstorm, or decide anything, it's coming from a huge bank of moments. Both the glory days and the stormy days. You know, my memory totally blows. Thus the main motive I have in photography is the desire to bottle up events and the feelings conjured from them.
But the moments of life shape me, make me, drive me forward. They are imprinted in my conscious and unconscious self. I remember when my teachers either honored me or scolded me. I remember when my shoelace got caught in my bike and it was just gnashing of teeth after that. I remember being disappointed that the tooth fairy wouldn't accept my tooth from under my pillow. I remember my first huge, failed crush in 6th grade. I remember recording my first song about how my uncle got mad at me for refusing to drink one more cup of fresh squeezed orange juice. I remember being nervous as all hell while meeting with company founders who wanted to hear out my opinions on coordinating and running the business better.
I've realized that not only should I savor these moments, but I need to respect them. Even though they will come and go at anytime, the imprint can be permanent.
The second half is that moments can be made. Should be made. Like, now. Hurry up. A life that is bland is not living life. We all make excuses to not move forward for change, to not do the things that we know would help us, but have some tinge of risk or pain in the change. But this holds us back from the moments that make life wonderful, that break life out of the mundane.
(unfinished) |